First off, we have a complicated relationship. We’ve known each other for a year and a month now. We’re both volunteer firefighters and that’s how we met. But my father is also a volunteer firefighter, so my parents are really against me dating someone in the same establishment. My parents also don’t like him at all. But we’re both the same age and we get along so well. He helped me get through my friends passing. I got really depressed and he was also depressed, so not always were we good to each other but we understood that it was coming from dark places and tried to help each other as best as we could. He actually became my best friend and we spoke everyday from the time we woke up to the time we went to sleep. Then we got into an argument and stopped talking for 2 months. During this time he enlisted and alluded that I was partially to blame. He felt since we were arguing and his mom kicked him out the of house for a short period of time that he felt he had nothing left so he enlisted. Understandable. We made it official a month or so before we argued. Catch is, since I have to hide it from my parents our relationship has been kept a secret. Therefore I don’t get to see him often and it’s all very secretive. I genuinely didn’t feel right about it but he gave me the ultimatum that it was either a relationship or nothing at all. Being already in a low state I did not want to lose him. So I agreed but never stopped feeling guilty about it. He’s the second person I have ever been with and I’m about to turn 21. But now he’s at basic training and I know I won’t get to hear from him. I feel guilty because I want him in my life more than anything but I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone I can’t truly grow with. We already had to sacrifice so much in a year with me still living in my parents house and “following” their strict rules, adding his 3 year service. I also want to join the Peace Corps and that adds another year we won’t be seeing each other. That’s 4-5 years without truly growing with someone. We’ll be 25-26 by the time he gets out and I have a timeline for my life because there’s so much I want to accomplish and one of those would include children.....so yes part of me doesn’t want to be the person who leaves a recruit (I don’t want to) but it’s daunting to think about not hearing or growing with a person at such vital stages in life. I’m so confused and saddened by all of this. I’m being pulled in two different directions and I’m just so lost right now. I have no one to talk to. I don’t have any friends and I can’t talk to my family about this. I truly feel alone.