I want to be better...

I don’t even know where to start...

I had my beautiful baby girl 10 months ago and love her more than I’ve ever been capable of loving someone. I have severe anxiety, and a little ocd. I’m taking medication for it but still struggle everyday. Anyways, during my pregnancy I gained 90 pounds and to this day have only lost 20 pounds of that...My whole life I was slim and I get that I’ll never be the same but I’m huge, my stomach sags, I’m always sucking it in when I’m in public and am just so unhappy with who I let myself become. Sex isn’t the same because I feel so gross and have 0 confidence and that just kills it all together...My eating habits have always been awful, I’ve never had to watch what I ate because I had a very high metabolism....I’ve been 220 pds for the past 8 months not one pound over or under. And it’s really frustrating me...I’ve tried so many things to lose weight but in the end I lack the motivation which blows my mind because of how unhappy I am..I think I am suffering from ppd because I cry every day whether it’s because I look at myself in the mirror and that begins the domino effect of things and I can’t stop over analyzing my life and how I wish things were different. I haven’t been out away from my daughter once since she was born I have separation anxiety and my ocd also keeps me from going out. In my head nobody will take care of her the way she needs to be..or exactly the way I’d do it. That part doesn’t bother me too much because I don’t have any friends..I’ve been alone as far as girlfriends go for the past 5 years..I genuinely love my daughter but sometimes I just want to die. I would never actually do this but it’s scary to have that be something I think about. I believe I’m suffering from ppd and am just feeling so lonely and unhappy and just lost. Is there any advice someone can give me? Thank you to anyone who reads this and or responds.