Rainbow Baby **long post**

A few weeks ago was National Rainbow Baby Day.

A rainbow. A promise of hope, assurance, the joy after the storm.

Our daughter, Eleanor is a rainbow baby.

She is our firstborn on this side of heaven. A light of hope and God’s mercies in every way.

Following the loss of her siblings, through the darkness and grief, she, our beautiful answered prayer, has arrived.

...

Soon after Romeo and I wed, we found out we were expecting. Sweet honeymoon baby.

You can imagine the joy that flooded our hearts! We called our family and closest friends to share in the excitement. Nothing but love surrounded.

Then the bleeding happened.

The rush to the doctor.

The empty ultrasound.

The long nights of weeping.

The confusion of loss.

Months after, I took a test just before Romeo’s birthday. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Those two lines had never meant so much.

I surprised my husband with the news on his birthday.

We watched the movie Courageous, where fatherhood is the focus.

And then the second gift came.

A small onesie, positive test, and teddy bear.

We have never cried such joyful tears.

Not long after, our nightmare happened. Again.

The bleeding.

The same rush to the doctor.

No heartbeat.

The silence filled the room.

...

I never thought the road to motherhood could be marked with such grief.

Such sorrow.

And truthfully, at times, such deep anger.

Please.

I beg of you who read this.

Be gentle to the women around you.

You don’t know the hurt and loss that some know.

Please don’t ask, ”When are you kids going to start a family?” Because they’ve been trying for years and can’t get pregnant.

“You’re so good with kids, you should have your own soon!” And yet she’s lost two babies this year already.

“You’d make such a great mother!”

And yet she is one. Just not to a baby on this side of heaven.

Miscarriages occur more often than you may know.

IVF

doesn’t always work.

Adoptions fall through.

Wombs remain empty.

Loss and grief scar the heart.

We have childless mothers among us who’s hearts long for nothing more than a baby to fill them.

Please be gentle with them.

Rainbows come, but many are still in the storm.

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It was a year ago tomorrow that we found out we were pregnant with Eleanor.

It was instant love. And instant fear.

Truthfully, I was fearful most of my pregnancy with her. Afraid to fall in love. Again.

It wasn’t until I held her in the dim light of our bedroom that peace washed over me.

Eleanor, our joy and delight, has two siblings.

She will grow up knowing their names, and listening to the sweet stories of our love for them.

The first thing our angel babies saw was the face of Jesus. I hope that brings a beautiful smile to your face. It does to ours.

Healing does come from loss. But it takes time. And lots of prayer.

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Celebrate with mothers and fathers, the joy that children are.

And wrap those mothers and fathers who have angel babies and empty wombs in your arms and prayers.

Joy d o e s come in the morning.

Trust that God is good. NOT because this feels good. Because He promises He is.

Hold on to that, love.

Your rainbow is coming.

...

Eleanor means “Bright and Shining One”.

And she is. In every way.