I really need perspective on this craziness
My husband admitted to me he had his dick sucked in college (this was 14 years ago) by one of his fellow teammates on the football team. He said they were drunk and his friend approached him. My husband let him do it and he said he came twice and it was exhilarating and he had to jerk off even after the guy left. Immediately I felt gross. I felt betrayed, embarrassed, confused and ashamed. It felt like I took a bullet. I can’t believe he has kept something like that from me. We have explored fantasy wise in the bedroom talking about threesomes though we wouldn’t actually do it. It’s all talk, heat of the moment stuff. Now lately we have ordered toys... butt plugs, strap on, dildos etc bc our sex life took a back seat after having 2 babies. He has told me he would suck a guy offWITH me and F a guy with me but he has no desire to be with a man sexually if I’m not involved and he reassured me he’s not gay or bi. (Even though he has asked me if he is bc he has those fantasies). So I was giving him a BJ when he told me about his experience and he did it bc he honestly thought it would turn me on. But it didn’t. He is mortified now. He said he should’ve taken that to the grave. He then told me how traumatic it was for him bc he thought it would get around campus. He then got upset bc I was so embarrassed and weirded out. I tried so hard to be loving and accepting bc I know that took guts to tell me. But I am struggling people. This one got me and I don’t know what to do or say and don’t know how to feel. If he was traumatized why would he tell me how good it felt and how many times he came etc. I am mortified. I need advice, perspective, a slap in the face or SOMETHING. Please tell me something.