What’s it truly like?

So background, I just turned 20, my daughter is 11 months old today and I’m preggo eggo again lol. I’m terrified because before I got pregnant the first time I was sure I wasn’t meant to be a mom. Not because I couldn’t get pregnant but because I didn’t think I was the motherly type. Of course I now eat, sleep, and breathe my baby but I don’t want things to change. I’m so sad thinking that she’ll feel a bit unloved at first because I won’t be able to pick her up or anything. And if I have a c section, who knows how long it’ll be before I can be back to regular mom again? Is it hard with 2 under 2? How do I put the newborn to sleep with a crazy little toddler running around? I want raw answers because I keep hearing how its not as hard as I think and all that. I’m just sad thinking about having to share my love and time, does that make me a shit person?