Jealous of my best friend

This is going to sound so so bad.

We are ttc baby number 2. Each month I’m disappointed by AF. My best friend split with her man after he held a knife up to her, and then stupidly slept with him 1 time and is now pregnant, he’s moved back in, playing happy families.

I can’t stop myself feeling jealous and it’s shadowing me being happy for her. I hate her partner after what he did (he did more but I don’t go into that) and I’m not jealous of her relationship as I have an amazing man by my side but I’m so jealous of the fact she is pregnant and I’m not.

I told her the other day how it’s starting to get upsetting seeing pregnant women purely because I selfishly want it to be my turn, then an hour later she sent me bump photos. Today I voiced how my work colleague has announced she is pregnant (she’s been trying for 4 years) and how I have mixed emotions about it an that I’m so happy for her yet jealous. Said again how it’s getting upsetting seeing pregnant people then she has just sent me a video of her baby moving in her belly.

Am I overreacting? Am I wrong for feeling jealous of her? Is she being purposely insensitive towards how I’m feeling? All she keeps telling me is how don’t get too excited because you might lose the baby. Like I don’t wanna think like that I wanna be positive about it. Sorry I just needed to air all this as it’s really getting me down 😥