Hoping for some advice.....

Dear Glow Ladies,

I know this will be long but I’m hoping you take the time to read it.... I need some advice 🙄

*****Possible Trigger******

First let me start out that I am a Sexual Abuse survivor, I was raped by my uncle and molested by my father.... my father is now in jail, and we’re having court every month, has a survivor I’ve been going through a lot ever since I was 18 (I’m now 21) I haven’t worked in 2 years my depression, anxiety, PTSD, and social anxiety has been out of control 😢

I am married to my husband who I love dearly

But we had a rough start 4 years ago we got together when my life was falling apart due to my symptoms..... about 6 months into the relationship he started beating me, choking me, hitting me, manipulating me, controlling me, on top of all the other issues I had plus he was abusive to our dog, that I had to took to the pound because he didn’t deserve that..... I cried for months, he got adopted 1 week after I took him I called the pound daily 😭

But anyways... he put me in the hospital once because he almost shattered my voice box, he bruised my whole neck.... still I went back to this man, I’m completely scared shitless of him at this time, 5 months later I started standing my ground and he began to realize this..... he’s family is his biggest trigger to set him off, but he refuses to block them.... fast forward two years ago he changed entirely.... blocked his family, changed his entire self.....

NOW : he talks to his family which triggers him into yelling or getting upset but he hasn’t hit me in two years.... he keeps his anger controlled to where it needs to be, well his job requires him to travel he’s gone a lot ! We’re married now, home owners and loving life except for one thing— I just don’t won’t to have sex 👀 I don’t won’t to have sex period. I hate sucking dick, I hate having sex, I get a shit ton of flashbacks, and sometimes he’s a little pushy so that turns me off, and I honestly don’t know what to do, yes I’ve talked to him but he just gets super mad, so today we had sex the first time in a few weeks.... and he started choking me, well I got a shit ton of flashbacks from my abusers and then of when he use to hit me, so I said let go please stop and he wouldn’t he just kept going and started choking more to the point where he was hurting me ..... and basically what do I do?

I gave you the back story so you would know why I don’t really like the choking right now.....

should I give it to my husband more and just get over it ? Or try to get over it, and I’m literally crying over the choking part it really scared me shitless ........

Thank you for hearing me out ladies....