I’ve spent the last 4 years with someone who emotionally abuses me and sometimes physically. It usually starts from nothing bc im not acting the way he wants or he thinks I have an attitude when I don’t. He begins to yell at me telling me to stop asking what he did then the insults flow out. It happens everytime. In fact it happened again today always over nothing. I’ve taken him to work everyday for going on a week, I’ve went and ran errands for him those days, did whatever he asked from me although I was tired and maybe didn’t want to. Our last blow out was the week before where he got mad bc he thought my attitude changed. Pretty much the same things happened. He began to ask me what my problem is I said nothing. He kept persisting that I had a problem. I told him that when he assumes and insists I have a problem when I don’t is when I get upset. He let it go and then a few minutes later got mad and started his journey of destroying me. He told me I’m retarded, I’m a stupid bitch, that all he does is use me bc im easy pussy since we have been together so long, told me he does not love me or care for me, that he doesn’t love his own parents how could he love me, he told me that I’m not human that I’m a nigger, he punched my car, he kicked it, the car I’ve worked so hard to get. He broke my whistle and threw it at me. He kept telling me how I’m nothing how I deserve nothing. He told me he was going to get someone to fight me and that he wish he could do it himself. He wish that he could kill me and hurt me bc im so stupid he said. I put my fingers in my ears and told him to stop talking to me. He just kept digging deeper. I couldn’t take it so I hit him. Wrong on my part but he did it to get a response. I can only take so much. I said nothing to him but that I didn’t want to do this. He took my arm and threw it down hit my rear view mirror. I tried to stay strong but I couldn’t. I tried ignoring him so I could cool off but he keeps going and putting me down to hurt me more. Before we get to his house his friend calls, he picks up the phone, starts laughing having a normal conversation like nothing happened at all meanwhile I’m balling. How do you hurt someone then go on like it’s nothing? He asked for all his things back I agreed to do so. After everything he said I did not want to be here. I’ve given this boy everything. My body my heart my soul everything for him to continue to hurt me and it not even affect him. I told him I didn’t want to be alive and all he could say was I don’t care. He’s told me to kill my self before. He makes me feel like I’m not worth living. Like no one could ever love me. He tells me he cheats on me. He confuses me and plays with my mind. All he does is put me down but when I try to leave he always calls me back and acts like he loves me. All he wants to do is sleep with me and complain how I’m loose. There is nothing harder than this. There is no emptier feeling. He doesn’t love me he doesn’t care for me and it will never change. I’ve done so much for him and it means nothing. I don’t want to die and I don’t want to take my life sometimes I just want to stop feeling and have someone tell me that I’m worthy of living. No one knows what I go through. I have anxiety bc of it and I’m so afraid to love someone out of fear of the same things. I’m so damaged