I need to breathe... can I vent?

I just need to get this out of my head. Ok so I want a home birth, but that’s a super a lot of money which I could have but I really need to crunch the budget for it. I don’t like hospitals, too many bad experiences with hospitals. I have an option for a free standing birth center, but I had a problem with them in the past. Here’s the thing, I talked to the head director of the birth center and she was so understanding and was willing to work with me 💯 but when I went to my appointment today it did not feel like an appointment but more of a bitch fest about how much I suck. I seriously felt like this midwife was out to get me. She kept saying that “small babies means failure to thrive” and that a “failure to grow” is in their policy a ticket to a hospital birth (they’re affiliated with a hospital for emergencies or complications). My medical history is I have small babies. It’s not a failure to grow or thrive or anything else like that! All 7 of my babies have been 5-7 pounds FULL TERM. This midwife was so hostile and hurtful and seriously made me feel uncomfortable. I’m going to call the director tomorrow morning because now I literally feel like I have no place to have my baby. I can barely afford a home birth, I don’t want to go back to the hospital, and my hopes for the birth center seem so ridiculous now. I literally feel like I don’t know what to do. I just need to get this out of my head. I have spent most of the day crying over this. I don’t know do. And I don’t know what to expect to come from me posting this but anything you say is fine. I’m so lost right now. Should I crunch the books for a home birth or should I just hope for the best from the birth center or should I just give in to the hospital? Side note, I am a supreme candidate for a home birth. I pass with flying colors. Same thing for the birth center, but today I was just ridiculed by the midwife. And I’m so hesitant about the hospital because I literally argued for 8 hours about my labor; I told my OB that if she pushed back on my son’s head and used an amino hook to ruptured my waters my labor would jump start. I told her she cannot feel the amniotic sack because she’s wearing gloves. After 8 damn hours of stalled labor she took my advice and did it. 6cm to 2 pushes and holding my son in 47 minuets! I have studied women’s medicine and I know what I’m talking about. So with all that... see my dilemma? What do I do?