So... I made it into that 1% of women suffering from recurrent miscarriages 😔

Yesterday morning, I was still pregnant with twins. Well, the ultrasound on Friday showed one strong heartbeat and one....big question mark. But hey, after two miscarriages during the past year, I wanted to believe that the twins would be my miracle rainbows.

Today I have no babies left in me... it happened so quickly, literally while having lunch with a friend I started feeling the period like pain, followed by some spotting. By midnight I’ve passed my babies ,.. ultrasound this morning confirmed that only some tissues left of the one that was a question mark but the one with the healthy heartbeat was completely gone! How is that possible?!?!? We were so thrilled to finally hear a heartbeat (never got that far before) and - although too scared to get excited - started hoping that at least one twin would stick. No luck again this time. We’ve done a multitude of tests that showed no problems. This time I was put on Clexane injections to prevent the blood clotting as this was the only thing that my doctor wasn’t happy with in the test results.... and even that didn’t help. I love our doctor for being such an optimist every step of this yet another short pregnancy- he is confident next time, with maybe double the injections and cortisol (? - I can’t remember him saying that but my partner said he mentioned that option) - he is sure that the next one will be a full term pregnancy. Gosh I wanna feel his optimism and have the same hope but by now, I made it into that 1% of women who suffer from recurrent miscarriages and therefore, I have zero trust in my body.

Sorry for a long post ladies. I don’t have any more tears left but I can’t stop thinking - why us? Why again? 😢