Leaving partner because of bad fights?

Question

I need some advice. Our baby was born and the first two or three months were great, but then it really went south. We started fighting A LOT. We have so different ideas on how everything should be. My boyfriend  has also grown into a whole other person and I guess I have too. Our fights get real ugly. He will call me things, we both yell, slam doors. It's a mess. Our baby is one now and he's underweight and has been since he was born as he was born early. I've read that really bad home situations can affect children's weight and development and I'm so scared this is happening, as he's slightly behind on development milestones too. We're having a really hard time and I really try to make it work. But if this is really the case I'm obviously ready to go through whatever just to make sure my child is healthy. I've tried to make us go to counselling but my boyfriend refuses. I hate our ugly fights. I want to break up every time they happen, but I know that's childish. But I don't know how to deal with it. I can be quiet and nice and do my best to fight good, but he'll still scream and call me names and I can't take that. When we're not fighting everything is great. So it really sucks if we need to break up because of it. He definitely has anger issues and he's aware and apologises thoroughly after every fight, but then the exact same thing happens. I've asked him so many times how hard can it be not to call someone you claim you love ugly names but he'll continue. Are leaving or putting up with it my only options? I don't want my baby growing up calling people names or having bad health because of me.
EDIT: Our child was obviously not planned. I had to be hospitalised my whole pregnancy due to complications so we never had a chance to sit down and discuss anything before our baby was born because we weren't even sure we were going to make it. We used to share the same values, but he has really changed a lot, as I said. We're both 30 and have been together for almost 10 years, so I'd say we have known each other pretty well.

Answer

If he’s not going to agree to repeated attempts to go to therapy you need to walk away. It will escalate.

Answer

Disagreements and fights are part of a healthy relationship. They show that you care enough to express your opinion and you want to come to a consensus on the topic.
What's not healthy, however, is HOW you fight. You both need to learn how to fight fair. No yelling, no name calling, no physical escalation. Take a moment to collect yourself, then express your opinions calmly and rationally.
You need to learn how to communicate together, and to actually listen to what the other person is saying. I think you would both benefit from counseling. If he doesn't want to go, then just go by yourself for now. Eventually, you will need to go together. If he's not willing to work to improve your relationship, then this may be over.

Answer

If he’s not willing to go to counseling to learn a new healthier way to argue, then your only option is to break up. Your child should not be in a toxic environment. Trust me. My daughter and I are thriving since my ex and I broke up. He’s happier too. It makes us better parents for her.

Answer

It’s a cycle. He says things then apologizes, does it again & refuses to go to therapy. You need to walk away & go see a pediatrician.

Answer

I’ve seen this problem A LOT with people. Friends, coworkers, even my partner and I have had to work past stuff like this, and even family.
It’s a completely normal thing to have to navigate the way you communicate with your partner over the course of your relationship. A lot of people have this misconception that if you love someone, you automatically know how to communicate about issues you’re having and that isn’t the case at all. The fact of the matter is, you’re both your own individuals and think different, talk different, have different motivations, different ticks and triggers- your consciousness is completely separate. If you want the relationship to work, you’re going to HAVE TO find some common ground on your issues and the way you speak to each other, and embrace the fact that you’re not going to agree on everything. Someone is going to have to drop their pride at some point. Be open, be honest, and be respectful. If he is not respecting you, and he isn’t listening at all, and doesn’t want to go to counseling, it looks like you have no choice but to leave.
As grown ass adults, there’s no reason that you shouldn’t be able to sit down and just talk about your issues.
If you love someone, you wouldn’t want to consistently disrespect them.
When it comes to the fundamental issues you’re having where you can’t agree on child rearing... that’s probably something you should split over as well.
This problem happens when people don’t take the time to discuss these things before hand. Then before you know it, you end up pregnant and one parents wants to home school and the other wants to do public schooling; or one parent believes in spanking and the other doesn’t. Those are values you shouldn’t waiver on, and if you didn’t agree on them before or discuss them before... quite frankly, I don’t know why you decided to have a child together in the first place.
Think about the reasons you came together in the first place. Was it because of convenience, maybe you had the same friend group, maybe it was lust, or bonding over pop culture or some other shallow thing. But do you have the same values? The same moral code? Same ethical code? In my experience, when the universe throws difficult situations like this in your face, it’s because you’re supposed to be shown something you didn’t see before.

Leaving partner because of bad fights?

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