The struggle is real!

I’ve always had this crazy dream of having two boys and two girls. And it looked and FELT like that was coming true.

I’m currently pregnant with my 4th child first two are boys our third our little princess and now my fourth.

I’m currently 17 weeks and me my husband and just about everyone else could have sworn it was a girl. I was sick just like with my daughter (boys I was not sick at all and had a pretty uneventful pregnancy).

We went for a ultrasound reveal yesterday and I saw the little guy before she announced it. Disappointment set in and guilt set in. How can I be so ungrateful? I asked myself. It didn’t help both our boys were super disappointed as well, they wanted another baby sister.

I started to look for baby clothes since we have none and it so hard to get into it. I feel like I missed so much time with my daughter by working and was going to be able do that with this one (which I will but I got to spend lots of time with the boys since I wasn’t working then).

I’m crying writing this not sure if I should but feeing the need to get it out. I am grateful for a healthy baby boy. I love boys they are so fun. I hope my excitement returns soon because this feeling kinda sucks.