I, first of all, want to let anyone (male or female) going through or have gone through abuse know that I am here to listen and talk. You ever need someone to vent to or anything feel free to message me!

Secondly I am here to introduce myself. My name is Jessica, I am 30 years old with an amazing son who will be 5 in December as well as an amazing and supportive and understanding boyfriend.

Thirdly I will be telling my story.

I met my husband back when we were about 13-14 years old. We tried dating for a little back then but it didn't work out. So fast forward to when I was 18 going on 19. My husband reached out to me, wanting to reconnect. We started hanging out and just spending time with each other. I should have listened to the red flags that we're popping up every time he would try and make out with me or ask me out and I would say no. This continued until finally I caved in and said yes to us dating. Well things never even started good. Before we had started officially dating I was trying to date one of my other friends, we ended up doing some things, and even though we hadn't been dating my at the time boyfriend (Jeff is his name) started getting pissed and flipping out accusing me or cheating. And no matter how many times I mentioned that it had happened before I had said yes it didn't matter to him. Fast forward past mostly verbal, emotional, mental and sexual abuse to 2012. In 2012 Jeff left me, mind you we were married by then (had been since 2009), walked out of the house and went to his mom's because he was pissed that he couldn't get me a Valentine's day gift. So days prior to that I had told him that I couldn't do the rollercoaster ride that he was putting me through anymore so when he left I thought I was totally done. But then he started to call me and berrate me for leaving him! I told him that if he didn't get the help he needed I wouldn't let him back in my life. That I was going to go visit a friend out of the city and that I wanted to be left alone. But if he got the help he needed I would stay him and talk to him and maybe visit him, but WOULD NOT let him back in the house until he got the help. Well he wouldn't agree to get the help so I went to visit my friend. We ended up having sex, and even though it only happened once (though a lot of oral and foreplay happened) we only had sex once and it wasn't finished because the guy couldn't stay in. So I finally come home after a week out there, would have been home sooner but the guy wouldn't drive me home and didn't want to burden my mom to drive all the way out to Tucson from Phoenix. But I get back and am still being abused verbally by Jeff. Being called names being yelled at and screamed at, being told he was going to come to our house and burn it down and kill our dogs. I finally cave again and go to see him. And after a little I foolishly let him come back home. After that it just plumits! He asks what happened when I was in Tucson and no matter that I am telling him the truth he can't believe that I only had sex once in that whole week. So after that argument goes on for about a week, every time we start to argue about that it turns violent. It just gets worse and worse. Because now he is not only asking about what happened in Tucson he is asking what else I did in my past and so on and so forth. What made all of this worse was that he was using Meth, so he could go from one extreme to the next in seconds. It got so bad that I was getting beat on a daily basis, he even told me to use with him so that I could know what he is feeling. And I stupidly did, but thankfully quit MONTHS before I found out I was pregnant. I have had a knife pulled on me and had him use it on my arm, have a "lovely" scar from it. He has beat me with a broom stick all down my back from the neck down. Pummled me with his fists on countless occasions and would even do so while I was sleeping, waking me up with that first blow. When we found out I was pregnant he was at first happy about it but as he continued to use and ask me if I did this or this he wasn't happy. He wasn't going to bring a child into this world or into a family like this. So DEMANDED that I get an abortion and if I didn't he would cause me to miscarry. And not long after saying those words he followed through with it, beating the shit out of me, trying to aim for my stomach but I was curled into a ball by then so pounding on my lower back where your kidneys are. I have had black eyes, bruised jaws gashes on my head from being hit with an umbrella and even punched in my nose causing me to have a hard time breathing at times even to this day. What is dad is after having my son and things calmed down I thought we were good, that we could be happy and have the dream life I had always wanted for myself and my family when I had one. But that didn't last long. He ended up beating me on many occasions while my son was in my arms, trying to rip him from my grip, trying to lock me and my son out of the house. Trying to keep me trapped in my house. The list goes on and on. For the last year the physical had stopped but I knew he was still using even though he tried to claim he had been sober. We were working on working together and working things out but on March 16th, 2018 after coming home from work and getting my son in bed and asleep I was trying to get Jeff to come lay down in our bedroom but he started arguing with me and yelling at me about how we had just agreed on not talking about the past, which woke my son up obviously, and no matter how many times I tried to tell him I hadn't been, that I had just been trying to get him to bed (let me say this, he was most likely high on Meth AND had taken zolipidim, a strong sleep aide) he lunged off the couch, past our son, and proceeded to punch me in the back of the head once and then multiple times on my right shoulder. The only reason it wasn't a blow to my face was because I saw it coming and had just enough time to turn. I picked up my son, got my phone and called the cops.

I am now going through the divorce process. Had him served on May 16th, 2018 with a restraining order.

May 24th, 2018 I reconnected with an old high school friend. And ever since then things have been amazing besides the trauma, depression, anxiety/panic attacks. But I am seeking help from a trauma therapist who has told me that I am suffering from a case of PTSD even though I cannot be diagnosed with that by her. I am taking medication to help with the depression and have a company that is willing to work with me and not force me to leave my job or work when I clearly shouldn't be.

If you have read this far thank you for listening to my story. And I hope for those that are still in an abusive relationship this will help you get the courage to get up, stand up and fight for yourself. Take your life back, do not let ANYONE control you! Be free to be who you are and not fear being abused in any way because of it! You deserve love and happiness and all the greatest things life can give you! You are amazing and should show the world your smile and happiness and strength. Because you are strong! You are strong because you are or were going through abuse! You are strong because you have or are getting out of that environment! You are strong because you SURVIVED! Sadly some don't ever make it out of that toxic environment and to those that have fallen victim to their abuser may you rest in peace! It is so tragic that you had to lose your life in order to find peace and love! But you are now free!

I love you all!

You are all amazing!

And if you need to EVER talk feel free to message me!

I may not answer right away but I will answer!

My son the other day at the Children's Museum!