What do I do?

So kinda a long story but I am hurt and confused.

So I have this abusive ex that I left, well he is terrible and I don’t even really wanna go into that. He raped me mentally Abusive use to throw things at me, push me and just make me feel like shit

Well I left him 5 months ago, he would come around and follow me and just scare me and it was terrible. I made this friend named nick. Well one day he texted me asking me to come over and drink with him cause he was worried he was gonna do something stupid. So I did he had just got broken up with, so hey wanted to help out. Well we become super good friends, I help him get over his ex and he helped me hide from my ex and just get the courage to get better and better my life. Well we got really close. We decided to fuck, which yea probably the wrong thing to do but we did it. Neither of us wanted a relationship so we were fine with that.

Well there was a point where I was so scared and sick of my ex that nick convinced me to block him. My ex has my dog that’s why I didn’t wanna block him and he has done crazy shit the last time I blocked him so I was scared.

Nick told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. I got kicked out of my house so I am moving into his spear room and paying rent. We hang out all the time I care so much about him and only wanna make him happy. But I am really scared to be in another relationship and I told him that and he understand.

Well a few days ago I got some important mail for my ex so I texted him and let him know. He decided he was gonna come bring the dog down and pick up his mail. So I could see my dog. Well I did, I saw my dog my ex tried to force himself on me and he just started up all his shit again. So I left he decided he was gonna stay a little longer and I could say goodbye to the dog the next day. Well yesterday I went to say goodbye the the dog (in a public place) and my ex shoved his hand down my pants and fingered me while I was screaming and beating his arm trying to get him to stop.

He wouldn’t leave me alone all day so I was trying to deal with that. And nick got pissed off at me. He was so mad at me for seeing my dog again. Yea I agree I was stupid but I love my dog. Well nick told me its my fault. He said that I knew what I was doing and so I get what I deserve. He refused to talk to me, he was rude. He said I was playing with fire so I get what I deserve that I walked into the lions den and was hoping for the best. He doesn’t feel bad for me, he thinks I am stupid.

I am really hurt that he isn’t even here to help me get over it. His last girlfriends he would flip out it anyone came close to touching them. Like one use to like it when other girls touched her butt, and he would get so angry even tho she wanted it. But here I am trying to see my dog and my ex does that to me but I deserve it.

I don’t know what todo. I am hurt because he thinks it’s my fault and says I deserve it. I wanna yell and scream at him and call him out. And tell him to fucking off. But I also just want him to come to me and hold me and never let me go. Tell me itsgonna be okay. And help me get over this. I don’t know what to do. I was hoping to talk to him last night but that didn’t happen he went to work early this morning and sorta got talking to me.

It’s