Weaning off of Zoloft and stopping the depo has been a crazy mess of emotions for me. I snapped at my husband in the middle of Walmart on Saturday even though he was just trying to have fun and lighten the mood because I was starting to get anxious, and that's just one of the many outbursts I've had. I tried to make omelettes for breakfast yesterday and failed miserably. It was supposed to be a nice breakfast for us, but instead I got overwhelmed and frustrated and burned both of the omelettes, and then broke down in tears because my dad makes the best omelettes every Christmas and we're not going to be able to go home for Christmas this year.

We quit smoking cold turkey a week ago, after having quit for over a month but starting back up when we went on leave two weeks ago, but once the waterworks started they just kept flowing and I sent DH for a pack. He keeps telling me it's okay and we'll quit again once this pack is gone, and I know he's right because we both refuse to smoke during my pregnancy or after the baby is born, but I just can't believe that I set us back like this. Now I'm considering going back on Zoloft, I know it's the safest antidepressant you can be on during pregnancy and I'm not even pregnant yet but I just don't want to risk anything unless I absolutely have to.

This whole situation is starting to feel impossible to me. My primary doctor is 1,100 miles away, and I can't figure out how to navigate tricare to find a gynecologist. The last time I asked for a referral the "doctor" I saw on base refused to give me one because PCOS isn't a valid reason to see a gynecologist in their eyes, and then instead of talking about my concerns she spent the rest of the appointment trying to pressure me into getting up to date on my vaccines, even though I told her I've had bad reactions to them since my very first ones when I was a baby and the last one I had actually put me in the hospital for liver failure. She ended up cutting the appointment short, without even talking about the reason for my appointment, telling me "if you refuse to take my medical advice then there's nothing I can do for you."