I hate the way I’m feeling, and the person I’ve become after recurrent loss. Just this jumbled mess of anger, resentment, loss and grief especially after losing my second this year in June. My husband and I were thinking of trying again soon, but I just haven’t been able to bring myself to. I’m terrified of facing another loss.

One of my close friends disclosed tonight that she’s pregnant after the miscarriage she had over a year ago. My first reaction was genuine happiness for her. After hanging up the phone and the news really sunk in I realized I had lost my support system. She and I were the only moms of one in my group of friends and now I’m alone. Again I hate feeling like this, and I hate falling to pieces over every pregnancy announcement. I just hope one day I get to announce a pregnancy and keep it.