I post anonymously because I don't need the hate, I am 100% here for advice!!! Hubby and I have been married 5 1/2 years we have child together and another one on the way. My problem is in 2014 I cheated on my husband got pregnant and ultimately got an abortion(was always against my beliefs) I wanted to keep my marriage and it literally was a 1 time thing!!! Fast forward in 2016 my husband had an affair with our roommate(I knew just didn't want to face the truth) he never admitted it but kicked her out for "my sanity" 2017 we gave birth to our first child. I figured she was gone. In Dec 2017 i found out he was talking to her again only he drove to bring her to my house and have her live with us again. Well I beat the shit out of her then pack my son up and moved out of state. We then decided to work on things and he swears he cut off contact!!! May 2018 I found out again he had been lying the whole time from Dec-May he still had been talking to her and in their messages came the truth of the time she lived with us and they did in fact sleep together!!! He finally fessed up. Here I am Oct. Pregnant and going insane I feel he is still talking to her but I have no proof, and I'm not sure if it's my insecurities and he is really telling the truth or not. He has lied before and still tried to lie in may when I had hard evidence!!! But I did choose to forgive him we both messed up, only difference is he continued his affair, I did not. When will I get over this or will I how will I ever know the truth??? Normally I give all kinds of women this advice and have the answers but I don't for myself!!! I'm literally on my bedroom floor bags packed crying debating am I going to be able to trust him. Is he telling the truth or not. We just got into it really bad because I let him know how I feel and I still think he is talking to "his whore" and he flipped saying he cant take me being so childish!!! Am I being childish? I'm so confused. I'm sorry it's so long. Please don't hate I swear I havent had an affair in over 4 years!!! I do love my husband and I get I started the mistakes but I also ended my part and didn't continue.