I havent even said this out loud, so even typing this is kind of huge for me...

When I was a sophomore in high school, I was with a guy whom I had friends with benefits with and one night we were in his truck. He was fairly big and I wasnt in the right position and he wasnt able to fully put it in so he just tried to shove it in my back door. I dont know what kind of thinking lead up to him making that decision, because obviously if it's not going to fit regularly, it's not going to fit in there!! Anyways. I told him to stop and I screamed and I was crying and he didn't stop until after he tried a couple more times. He held me down because I was on my knees and I could get away. Through out the next day, I was bleeding from both holes. That night I had excruciating pain and blood clots the size of fists just flowing out of me. To the point that I had to sit in the bathroom for hours on end.

I'm with someone I love with all my heart now but sometimes it makes being intimate a bit more difficult than I would think. I tell him that its not him, that I have some issues and he is such a sweetheart about it. Again. I've never said this out loud before.

I'm sorry.