Almost two years ago, I was allowed

the chance to watch my sister give birth to my nephew. Even until this day, I think about how it was the most amazing experience I have ever seen and got to be part of. Watching my sister go through labor and delivery all natural, with no pain medication, made me realize (which I already knew) how strong she actually is. She made it look so easy and she was done in a total of 5 hours. I thought she actually had some super power strength. I hate to say this but she had such a horrible experience and the hospital treated her like shit. They were holding my nephew inside my sister telling her not to push. He was ready to come out and as soon as she was allowed to push he came right out and it was the most amazing thing I have even seen - watching my nephew come into the world. It’s such an amazing, life changing experience and I never thought I would be able to experience childbirth myself.

My sister and I couldn’t be more opposite. We always refer to ourselves as day and night but it never stopped us from having a close relationship or the fact I always wanted to be just like her. When I was about 22 years old, I was diagnosed with PCOS and was told the chances of me getting pregnant on my own were close to impossible, even with treatment. Growing up I always wanted kids and always wanted to be a mom, so hearing that kind of news broke me. Kids weren’t in my plan anytime soon and as the years went on I was never in a serious relationship and told myself i didn’t want kids and would just be an aunt who traveled the world. I felt like getting the idea out of my head of wanting kids was the best thing so I didn’t have to get upset about not being able to have children of my own. My sister, without even asking, offered before she even had her first born son, that she would carry my child if I ever met someone and wanted children. I told her I would do the same for her if she ever needed me too. Fast forward to almost a year ago, I met someone who I fell in love with instantly. I told him I may not be able to have children and he wanted children. We talked about when we were ready we would try treatment and if that failed my sister would carry for me. My boyfriend and I weren’t trying, but also not, not trying. I honestly think he was determined to get me pregnant since we both thought I couldn’t. I remember the night I found out I was pregnant, the first person I immediately called was my sister - I didn’t even tell my boyfriend yet. I remember my sister being so happy for me, telling me it was a girl and she just knew it already. I couldn’t stop crying because I couldn’t believe it. I took about 10 tests because I still just couldn’t believe it. It just didn’t seem real to me. I was in shock and in that moment, nothing else in the world mattered. I was scared, but knowing I would have my sister there for me every step of the way I knew I would be ok.

At 3am, October 5th, I woke up with some cramping. I went to the bathroom and was bleeding so I called my sister immediately and told her what was going on. As I was on the phone with her, I lost my mucus plug and started getting contractions. She knew I wanted to have an all natural med-free birth and I wanted to labor at home as long as I could. She kept me calm over the phone and told me to call the doctor, shower, relax and try and go back to bed. I woke my boyfriend up and told him what was going on but to go back to sleep until my contractions get worse. I waited for the doctor to call me back, and told him what was going on. He told me to go to the hospital. Around 6:30am, I got ready to go to the hospital. I called my mom and sister and they were there by 7am. I was getting contractions about 4 minutes apart but they were manageable. I know most people say “don’t be a hero” and there’s no reward or thorough for having a med-free birth and to just get the epidural, but for me, I wanted to follow what my mom and sister did. I wanted to be strong like them and bring my baby into the world knowing I’m strong but I also wanted my sister and mom to be proud of me. My sister and I took a natural birthing class together and learned positions, breathing and other techniques to help with contractions. For me, the hours and contractions were going by so quick and every couple mins I would get a contraction and my sister and I would work through them together. At one point, she even braided my hair through them! Around 12:30pm, my contractions started to get closer together and more painful. In this day and age it’s very easy to be like fuck it and get an epidural, especially with the nurses and doctors offering it and telling me I wouldn’t be ready to deliver until 7/8pm at night!! Looking at the clock and thinking that I would still have 7 hours of this, I wanted to give in. But my sister kept me focused and kept reminding me why I was doing it and I was doing so good. Everything we were doing previously to work thru the contractions wasn’t there anymore - they were right on top of each other I was in active labor but didn’t realize it. I then decided to get in the shower. Around 1:30pm i remember sitting in the shower on the floor and having my sister spray me with the shower hose. I couldn’t help but laugh and ask her if she felt like she was watering a plant and she told me “yes, you’re growing into a Mommy plant.” By the time I got out of the shower, I was in so much pain the doctor came to check me and said I was 8 cm. In order for me to keep walking around, he told me I needed to put a different monitor on for the baby and I didn’t know what was going on or what it even was. I said yes, my sister looked at me and asked me again you want them to put a monitor on your babies head and I said NO! As the doctor was walking out of the room I remember saying no I’m ready to push. My mom and sister sent my boyfriend down to eat lunch because the doctors and nurses told us it would still be awhile. I remember the room getting chaotic and there being so many people I even let students in the room to watch. Now through the contractions, I was ready to push and wow did pushing through those contractions feel good. My mom held one leg up and my sister held the other, and my boyfriend was up by head. I remember pushing so hard my eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my head. My sister kept telling me “you’re almost there you can see her head!” I wanted her out so bad I told myself in my head that I am going to get her out in these next pushes. The contractions came, my mom grabbed my left leg and my sister grabbed my right. I took a deep breath and pushed and pushed and the next thing I knew my baby girl Liv Grayce was born 10/5/18 at 2:24pm, 6lbs 5oz. My boyfriend didn’t want to cut the cord so we asked my sister to. I looked at her and I remember the bright light was shining on my sister with her white hair, she looked like a beautiful angel standing next to me cutting my baby's cord. We were both crying and she told me I did it, with a look on her face as if she was so proud of me and happy for me. I couldn’t have done it without the support and strength of my sister, she is my best friend, my hero I never looked up to someone as much as I do than her. She gave me the strength to bring my baby girl into this world the way I wanted, the way she did and the way our mom did. I told her she will always have a special bond with my daughter because the strength she gave me, especially when she cut her cord. After I gave birth, all the nurses that got to witness my sister and I together complemented our relationship on how close we are and how intimate our relationship is and that they never saw anything like it. For me, I thought our relationship was normal. I don’t know any different but now I appreciate her so much more and our relationship because it’s something people admire and wish they had.

Giving birth is an amazing experience and everyone should really just trust their body - this is what we are made for.