I just had my second ultrasound at 7w4d and expected to see that little flicker of a heartbeat again. I saw it early on, 5w5d, a healthy little flutter on the screen. I was excited to see how much the little bean had grown in two week. Instead, the dr had to tell me there was no heart beat. No flutter, no blood flow. We had lost our little baby at 6w4d, before we even had a chance to know it.

We didn’t expect to get pregnant so fast, it only took one month, and we weren’t quite ready. But we were excited. Excited to become parents. Excited to find out if it was a boy or a girl. Excited to find a name and look at their face, see who he/she looked like. We lost it all so fast, and it hurts more than I expected. The last thing I expected to do this morning was to call my husband and tell him “I’m sorry love, things didn’t go well today. They didn’t find a heart beat. They gave me a medication to take this weekend so I can officially miscarry.”

I wish this wasn’t real. Now I’m laying on the couch and wondering, will I have to take this medicine? Or will my body finally stop betraying me and do what it’s supposed to? Why do I still have morning sickness? It hasn’t gotten worse in the last week. I guess that’s because we had already lost our little love. I’m sorry little baby, I loved you already.