Edit: edit to add, we only had oral sex before we were married. I was his first. I feel media has strongly shaped his conceptions of women's sexuality. I had been in 2 long term relationships previously where we were sexually active and they never had complaints, and I never owned a single piece of lingerie before I got married. That's part of why the situation is so upsetting to me. We did go to counseling for awhile, but felt he never truly opened up or was 100% honest, so we couldn't get the full benefit. I've considered we need to try again.

One of the biggest fights we have is my husband says I neglect him when it comes to sex. He says he wants it multiple times a day so everyday would be a compromise. We normally have sex a few times a week. Recently I admit it's been less because I've been having issues with abnormal uterine bleeding.

He says he feels sexually neglected, and in this rut he is neglecting me emotionally. Sex is an emotional thing for me, so it's hard for me to want to have sex with him. So we get stuck in this cycle, where I say if he would try to work on our relationship on an emotional level I would want to have sex more, he says he would be treating me better if we were having sex more.

The sex also has to be initiated on my end, and I need to be wearing lingerie. I dressed up on Wednesday and we had sex. Thursday none. Friday I came to bed in comfy PJs and told him since I initiated Wednesday he should come onto me. To which he gets upset that I came to bed wanting to have sex yet not wearing lingerie. It makes me hurt and undesired when I have to dress up for him to want sex (even though he "always" wants sex).

He's been using the excuse for 2 years that when he's tried in the past I haven't wanted sex so he doesn't see the point in trying anymore. My argument is that his sex drive is greater, instead of him laying there upset that I'm not intiating, he could show initiative and come onto me. And put in a little effort, not just try to stick it in. Maybe I have this unrealistic romanticized idea of "making love" instead of just sex. Sometimes it can be just sex, I just feel like I need both. And more of one than the other right now..

Am I asking too much? How do you deal if your husband's sex drive is greater than yours? Do you have sex when your heart isn't in it?