How do I follow thru

I’m scared, I have no positive family members who will give me real heart felt advice. My spouse is always taking money to gamble when we don’t have any. I have to keep the pin secret and change it to make sure we can pay bills. Recently she has taken to going out drinking, I’m fine with having friends letting off steam. But there is no respect. Just text me so I’m not scared or worried. We have 2 kids. it will be 3 or 4 in the morning I wake up, she’s not home, no text saying I’m out love you, I call her no answer, turn the card off and what do you know.... the money is shut off and she calls. This happened for what I hoped was the last time last week Saturday night. We talked, came up with a plan on how to get on track, she said she was win me back and sunday(today) was the day I was gonna tell her ok, I can start to trust you again. But no ... wake up at 230 ...not home.. call a few times. Shut the card off again, finally get an answer of just excuses. I can’t do this, I don’t want to feel alone, I can’t be waiting all day and night to hope and dream she will feel that I am special and that her family is worth it. I want a divorce. Plz help me . I don’t understand why, why be so selfish? I feel terrible for our children. I don’t believe in staying in a marriage that’s like this. It’s not ok to cry yourself to sleep, it’s heart breaking. 14 years.