I'm writing this anon as I need to say it to someone but can't talk with family/friends/doctors about it.

I've suffered depression a couple of times in my life, but I've never felt so many other things at the same time.

I have no friends, I shut them all out when I started feeling low.

I'm afraid that if I told them what I was feeling they'd get worried or tell me to leave my husband, he's my life, I love him with all my heart.

But this depression is making me push him away. I'm making him angry, upset, annoyed. I don't know how to stop.

My family is not happy about the pregnancy, I feel like theyre never happy with anything I do so I avoid calling/speaking to them.

Due to multiple miscarriages, my husband and I decided that it would be better if I stopped working once I got the positive. Even though I am in the last part of the 2nd trimester, that fear of losing this baby has never gone away.

Because of all this, I am alone. I know it is my fault, but throughout my life, I have been told that depression is made up, if I tell a dr I will never be able to get a job. I'm terrified that if I tell my dr that they will take my baby away, I don't trust the child social system here as I have been on the other side of it.

I don't feel suicidal. I feel hopeless. I feel sad. I feel so so alone. I feel guilty for feeling like this when I and so many other women struggle(d) to conceive.

I feel guilty that I stress out my husband.

I feel guilty that my precious baby is having to deal with all these emotions.

I feel like I'm in free fall.. no one can catch me , no one would even want to try.

I wish I could feel happy.