I have a four year old daughter with my boyfriend.she is perfect but I wanted a second baby with him so bad

After trying for years I got pregnant Christmas 2017 but I miscarried on my birthday March 3 and after not passing everything I had hemorrhage and almost died I had emergency d and c and I don’t know what they did to me.but I feel like I can’t have anymore and I want to so I’m hopeful every month.i know I should be happy with what I have I have five children from my marriage I divorced and have my daughter and I should not care but I just get my hopes up still every month