So recently about a year ago my ex fiancé left me we were together for 2 years and we were quite abusive towards each other. He was more physical and mental and emotional. and my dad past away prior to him leaving a few months back. And then it’s almost 2 years since my dads passing in February and also after he left it’s been a year my ex fiancé and he’s engaged to his first ex whom he said while we were together he wouldn’t get back with or think of or anything. So I’ve had a few flings after he left tried a few relationships and dating apps and what not even tried religious relationship apps. Sometimes I find myself crying because I miss my ex but I don’t know recently I’ve gave up on work, eating, shitting anything I do it late and it hurts my body I’m just so upset. And there’s a few guys who wanna be in my life but I often put off texting them. I feel like I’ve met them online and it’s just not worth it. You know like you’re basing me off photos and what not I don’t know I don’t reply to them as much they get mad and what not. I even made up dating profiles and idk. I’m trying to get back in line to be a better person but I’m so fucked up in the head. Lost my grandma a few months ago too, went to Fiji for a release of tension didn’t work either idk what the fuck. I got high a few days ago off edibles I liked it but it made me more depressed. I’m turning 21 this month and I know that I’ll be in and out of weed shops and wine stores. I just I don’t know. My dad liked beer and staying drunk I guess to be close to him that’s what I do. He liked the beach but I don’t have my license yet and I live an hour away from it. My mom doesn’t let me get out really middle eastern mom and family. I don’t know who I am what I doing why I’m doing it I’m lost I need some really heart held advice please thank you