I can’t stand it any more. I hate my body. I hate myself. I have so many insecurities and I’m ready to just fucking lose it. I am so unbelievably hairy all over my face and body and my hair is dark and my skin is fair. Idk what to do anymore. I can’t stand having to remove the hair all the time and I just want to be able to embrace myself but I don’t know how. Please don’t tell me how to remove it or to try laser. I know all the options. None of them work well. And laser is way too fucking expensive for my entire hideous body. I can’t stand looking at myself anymore. I wish I was different looking. And sometimes I convince myself the hair isn’t so bad and then I just find something new to be insecure about. Like my hyperpigmentation on my face. Or my stretch marks on my breasts. Or my newly developed tons of acne on my face, chest and back. And no I don’t have pcos. I’ve been tested.

And not only the physical stuff. Nothing seems to be going right in my life. I have a very loving boyfriend who is literally my only friend (other than my family members) but I don’t know to trust him because I have serious trust issues and every time I begin to trust him again he tells a small white lie and I lose my trust all over again. And we are long distance and have been for several years so I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to even make it work.

And at work I work my ass off and get zero recognition and no one seems to like me. No one ever has. Everyone is so fake and full of shit with each other and everyone just gossips about everyone else. And this has happened everywhere I have worked. Never even had any friends in college.

I am so fucking alone and I’m so sick of it. Tried to go to counselling and can’t even get myself to go back cuz they just make me feel like even more of a loser and have no advice to give anyway. Someone looking at me with pity in their eyes is not going to help me.

If you made it through all this then thank you. I am just sick of everything and had to rant. And I know things could be so much worse. But I also know they could be better and they just don’t ever seem to be headed in that direction.