Not abused. Abusive.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for quite a few years, and I love him. But I think I’m mentally abusive to him and I want to stop.

My boyfriend came from a horrible horrible family who was mentally abusive his whole life and neglectful. He moved in with my parents when he turned 18 (we had been together already at this point, but not long) my parents are great people. Very supportive of anything you want to do, and will help you do it. Even if they don’t enjoy it themselves. They did this for my boyfriend to. He grew up in a house hold that it was not okay to do anything that wasn’t manly. He loved sports growing up, loved working on cars, hunting, shooting, all the typical guy stuff. But he also loves art, and things a little bit more on the nerdy side like the Skyrim series or DND. My parents supported him fully in his senior year of sports and got him back into art and even got into dnd so he could play with them. We no longer live with them but he still has shows he watches with my mom and hangs out with my dad. They are essentially his parents at this point. Which is think is great and they have really helped shape him into the man he is today. He’s a great man. He is supportive of me, mentally and financially (I do work but he makes a lot lot more than me). I say all this to say my behavior is NOT a reflection of my parents or caused by them. This is all me being shitty.

Recently I saw a thing that said men get with girls who remind them of their mother. I laughed because I thought the only similarity in his mom and I is we are short. But then I got to thinking about it and I do some things she did to him. I blow up fast. Over stupid things like being to slow or not doing something my way. And I’m mean to him if I’m annoyed and say really cutting things that I shouldn’t. I’ve even said the only reason he is successful is because of me. Which is a horrible thing to say. I always feel bad after I do these things. I feel like I’m gas lighting him and am mentally abusive.

I need help. I don’t know what to do. I use his weakness against him and I know he came from a bad childhood and won’t fight back. I need to fix this before he wises up and leaves me (there has been no mention of this, I actually think he’s about to propose.) I want to stress this isn’t 24/7 most the time we get along great and this doesn’t happen. But I feel like I’m terrible to him as soon as I’m even slightly annoyed.

I can not continue this behavior for the sake of his mental wellbeing. It’s terrible of me.

I am willing to take any suggestion.