Birthday Blues?

TRIGGER: SEVERE ABUSE

Some background:

I was sexually abused by my biological father throughout most of my childhood. It’s one of my earliest memories (around age 4) and the last incident of sexual abuse occurred on my 15th birthday. It was his yearly sick “birthday present” to me. Three days after my birthday, I came out about the abuse. I was able to leave and he got incarcerated.

Since then, my family made it a point to celebrate my birthday. They want me to feel special and loved... and although the gesture is appreciated, I just don’t feel comfortable with celebrating. There’s so many extremely painful memories and even though it been years since the abuse has stopped, my brain keeps associating my birthday with the abuse.

Yes I’m aware I deserve to celebrate my birthday, and the fact I’m still here after having been through hell... it’s just... my PTSD can not find any peace with it.

So here’s a crazy idea... I’ve thought about “changing” my birthday. Different season, different month... I figured maybe my brain would begin to associate new, safer, happier memories with my birthday. But please, be honest. Would that be better than just not celebrating at all?

Much love 🦋

Edit:

I have been going to CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) for roughly seven years. I am also studying to become a child psychologist. I just wanted honest opinions from others.

2nd Edit:

I haven’t left my family because they did not contribute to the abuse. On the contrary, they have been supportive and I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for their continued love and encouragement. I appreciate the concern, I suppose it could solve the problem for some, but that solution just isn’t the right one for me. My birthday, with or without them, is my birthday. That specific day, with all it’s memories and triggers, will always be associated with my abuser, not my family.