Baby number 4

Hi ladies. Any of you pregnant with baby number 4? How was it different than your others? Was it easier or harder? My last pregnancy was hard emotionally and physically due to our baby having a heart defect and going thru heart surgery and all that and ended up passing away. This pregnancy has me worried, I’m always freaking out because I’m scared something is going to happen. I’m having a hard time feeling excited, which makes me feel like a horrible person. Just had to vent a little. I have a lot going on right now and just need to talk