All I want for Christmas...

All I want is for my sons heart to be healed,

Because as a mother to see your baby that you prayed so hard and so long for get put under and have a catheter go through his leg and to his heart, to hear your baby cry because they are starving but because of their procedure they have to fast for so many hours, my heart is broken. And to know I will have to go through this again when he has surgery to close his VSD.

The fear, the anger the pain is real, and all I do is hold my sweet baby and tell him how sorry I am and how much I love him.

It's not the doctors fault they don't know that I struggled with infertility, or that I prayed and prayed for him. And I know I have to keep my faith in God that he will keep my baby safe but it's so hard to not be angry when I struggled with infertility, he finally answered my prayers but then I find out my baby has a VSD that will need surgery, and the BAM hit with preeclampsia, and then when all I'm expecting at my sons cardiology appointment is to schedule a surgery because I finally accepted it to be hit with my baby's heart has another issue that needs a procedure. It's so hard to not question why and be angry, but I'm trying not to be because I know that's not right.

On top of all this because of the new issue pulmonary stenosis his VSD has not been able to take full effect so this whole time I thought my baby was thriving but now we don't know and now after this new procedure I have to worry how my baby is eating, how is his breathing is he turning blue? And then like I said then go into surgery where I have to see my baby boy be put under, connected to tubes, and listen to him cry because all he wants is mommy to make it stop.

This little boy is my everything, my miracle, and all I want is for him to be healed.