Just need to vent

This is just to vent because I don’t feel like talking about it with anyone. I’m 7 weeks along with my 2nd pregnancy and it’s been miserable so far. My first pregnancy was filled with joy, euphoric feelings, and nostalgia. I had some of the typical 1st trimester woes, such as severe nausea at times and crazy fatigue. But it didn’t leave me feeling miserable at all. This time I don’t feel any euphoria. I do feel joy as this baby is very much wanted and loved already. We tried for several months to get pregnant and it felt like a dream come true when I saw those double lines. It IS a dream come true, so don’t get me wrong. But that’s why I’m confused. Why don’t I feel that euphoria and “nothing but joy” feeling I had with #1? This time I’m experiencing pregnancy acne that leaves me so embarrassed I don’t want to leave the house. I spent thanksgiving home alone because I was too humiliated to show my cystic acne face around my husband’s family. I told them that I woke up feeling ill and that’s why I didn’t go (even my husband thinks that). I cried as I watched my husband and toddler pull out of our driveway to go be with family as I refused to go bcz of shame. I’m just so ashamed of how I look. It’s the type that’s so bad that makeup doesn’t help at all. I’m also having horrible mood swings and feelings of sadness. I know it’s normal. But I didn’t experience any of that (acne, mood swings, sadness) with #1. I’m home all day with our 18 month old who is totally my best friend in life, but right now I’m so short tempered that everything irritates me and I am so afraid he’s going to be affected by my moods. So far, I’m holding it together but barely. In My head I’m screaming and cussing and telling myself to breathe so I don’t come unglued. I have random verbal outbursts at the most ridiculous things that ordinarily wouldn’t have an affect on me. I feel out of control. The fatigue and nausea both hit really hard the last few days and everyday is a struggle that I feel like I’ll never get through. And I cry cry cry over anything even slightly sad.

I know I’ll get through this and the 2nd trimester will be better. But I’m having a very hard time right now and just needed to vent. Comments welcome, but venting was my goal. Please don’t be rude though. My mental state is fragile right now.