anyone?

I don’t really know why i’m writing this but i just need to feel like someone cares about me. i’ve been so broken for so many years. my mom died when i was sick and many other close family members have died since then. i was bullied for so many of my early years in school that i have zero self confidence. i am constantly anxious and always depressed. every time i find hope it gets crushed. all of my friendships in my life have been me giving out my heart and soul to be there and i have only received a knife in my back and people who don’t care about me. nobody ever knows how i feel or how i think. my home life is a wreck. the only people left around me, destroy my mental health and verbally abuse me. i’ve counted that in the past two years, not one person has asked how i am or how my day was, including my own father. every time i try to be happy or do something fun to bring our family closer together, he ends up yelling at me. the worst part is, he only shows that side of him to me. everyone else he knows thinks he’s an amazing person and nobody takes me seriously when i try to talk about something he did. he has no idea how to care about someone else. i always feel ungrateful. he has no idea who i am and doesn’t bother to ask. pi am constantly stuck in between not wanting to sound egotistical and putting myself down. i always worry that i’m not a good person. everyone in my life has left me alone in one way or another. i am constantly trying to get people to hear me but nobody listens. i know i need help and i want it, but i don’t have anyone i can ask. i wake up exhausted every morning, still stressed from the night before. i’m getting more numb to all emotions every passing day. i need help but i don’t have anyone to turn to. i’m not suicidal. i want to live, but i want to be happy. i’m so afraid of losing who i am. i can’t find any motivation to do anything. i just stay the same broken, stressed, depressed, anxious, sad, sad person and have no idea how to fix any of it. please i just need for someone to give me some love. i can’t just keep giving it out and putting on a fake smile to get nothing in return. i feel so empty. thank you if you read to here, i just need someone.