Momma,

Where do I begin? How do I tell you without feeling guilty about what you did to me? You caused me to hate myself. Caused me to never feel like I was worth anything. Why couldn’t I be enough? Why couldn’t you love me for me? What did I I do to deserve you not loving me? You called me names, hit me, beat me, threw me into things. And I don’t understand why I wasn’t good enough.

You don’t know how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep because of you. You showed the boys that it was okay for them to be abusive. And were and have been for my entire life. I’m suppose to be your little girl. And I don’t know what I did wrong to deserve not being loved. Everyone else says they love me, I’m a good or great person. You caused me to hate myself so much, and hurt me so much, I tried to kill my self. And you didn’t even act surprised or sad. You left me in the dust.

I just don’t understand. You act like you did nothing wrong and I am just crazy. But I am not. And you got mad when someone else came along, and let me call her mom, and take care of me and help me to stop cutting myself. She helped and still does. Buys me stuff, takes me out, gets me gas if I am low on funds, and you never did that. She never forces me to do things I don’t want to do. She keeps me safe. Saddest thing? She treats me more like her daughter than you ever treated me like. It breaks me every day. I hear your critical feedback and little stabs in my head and heart every day. You have broken me.

But thankfully I am working on getting stronger than you. I have God and all the angels and saints on my side. You may have broken me, but he is fixing me piece by piece. I have to let you go, which kills me. I thought a year would make it better. And it hasn’t. You can have your new game without me. I do miss and love you more than you will ever know. Dislike me if you want to, but love me if you can. I pray you choose the latter of the two. I love you 😢😭😭💔💔💔💔 to the 🌙 and back...