Dealing with loss

My husband’s mom passed away and I regret not being a good daughter in law...I wish I called more and I wish I told her how much I loved her and respected her and how thankful I am for her raising her son into a wonderful man.... I tried FaceTiming her when she was in the hospital so she could see her granddaughter....(my daughter wasn’t having it) and it was so short. I should have called back but by the time I got home it was almost 10 and my daughter was throwing the biggest fit because she was exhausted. I’m also newly pregnant and it’s been rough dealing with 24/7 nausea, vomiting, and fatigue. I wanted to tell her that only the best grandmas become grandmas again and that she would have another baby to love and cherish. I thought she would make it through this surgery this time.... I prayed and prayed so hard.... I failed my husband for not calling back, I failed my in-laws, and I failed her. I was hoping to see her soon in person to hug her and tell her everything that I wanted her to hear. To have her hold her granddaughter and to see her eyes light up with so much joy and love. To try new Korean foods and to taste her cooking and to learn from her.

I’m so so so sorry..... tonight has been so rough and it’s hard to take in and realize that this is happening. I wish this were all a dream. I can’t process this at all 😞

어머니 나는 너무 미안해요. 내가 더 잘할 수 있으면 좋겠다....