Please read all before answering. Can someone who has molested someone else be redeemed?

Question

I am only posting this anon because it is an actual situation I am in. I truly need help grasping what I am about to type. So my husband's brother let's call him Edward molested their sister lets call her Elisa. So they were children. He is only 2 years older than her. They grew up in a drug addict environment because of their parents. So people around them were not good people all the time. Elisa was molested by their mothers stepdad a long time ago it was awful. So she recently came out to my husband that Edward did it to her as well. She is an ex drug addict and she accidently came out with it. I think it is possible he was molested as well the age range that they were at is probably 7 and 5 give or take. And now he refuses to talk to his brother etc. He is very disgusted and upset at Edward but is it possible that he was acting out either what he saw or what had happened to him? At that young of an age can you hold it against them now? Edward is now 30. She did say it stopped relatively as fast as it started. And it never happened again. Maybe Edward realized he was doing something wrong. My question is should he have a second chance? He now has kids of his own, they don't act weird towards him and everything so I don't believe he had touched them. I know he hasn't messed with my kids. And Elisa has also been around him and even lived with him since. Got him his ex-wife together and everything. So I don't know what to think about this situation in asking because it is tearing him up inside.

Answer

I think they should both get help, therapy, something. It's an unfortunate situation. And in no way am I excusing what he did, but being young, in an unstable environment (drug addicted parents) possibly being molested himself, smh lots of factors here. But absolutely no I would not say that automatically means he abuses his children.

Answer

The only person who can make that decision is the victim. No one else can hand out second chances when they were not the one who it happened to. 
When I was little, my sister molested myself and my two cousins. I have not forgiven her and never will. Her actions are inexcusable in my opinion. But if my cousins decide to forgive her and have her in their lives, that’s up to them. I have no control over that.

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I don't think a 7 year old has the mental capacity of molesting a 5 year old. They were both abused.

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It's a tough situation, I think I may be going against the grain with my opinion. 
How we were when we were 9 years old, is not a reflection on who we are today- We wouldn't make the are decisions we made as children. 
It's most likely he was a victim of abuse himself and didn't know it was wrong at the time, but perhaps from her reaction realised very quickly that it wasn't a nice thing to do. 
I would base my feeling and impressions toward him as an adult, not as a child- You don't refer to a butterflies features, as it appears as a caterpillar. 
I'd ascertain to see if he has received therapy, if he's approached help himself it's a good sign of his character.

Answer

Hurt people hurt people. Most of the time abusers have been or are also being abused. I think age is a huge factor. A small child molesting another small child can absolutely be “rehabilitated” with psychological intervention. The older they get and the longer it goes on the more difficult it is to deal with. I was sexually abused as a child by an adult. That isn’t something that I find I can just let go of. I forgave the person for my own sanity, but they aren’t in my life in any capacity. I have another family member who was sexually abused by their sibling but they’ve forgiven and moved on from that experience. They both received a lot of help, as they were both being raped by adults at this point in their lives. They were 5 & 6.

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It’s a tough situation because he was a child then and most likely acting out of what he’s seen or been through, not necessarily fully knowing what he was doing.

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My thoughts are that he was probably also sexually abused and groomed to believe this was OK. Children cannot be held responsible for acting out things that they’ve been groomed to do. They don’t know any better. When the adults in their life, who they trust to teach them the right things, are actually teaching them the wrong things, they don’t know that. So they believe they are being taught what is normal and what is right. Just because a child acted out the abuse they were enduring on someone else, as a child, does not mean that they will turn into an abuser as they grow older. Children tend to learn as they get older what the right things are, regardless of what’s being taught to them. Because other people come into the situation and begin telling them things that teach them different. So, I think the important thing for her to remember is that he was a child and children only know what they’ve been taught and if they haven’t been taught differently, they have nothing to go off of. I am sure that he feels like the biggest piece of shit on earth for what he did when he was a child.

Answer

Thatsa lot of trauma for children just the environment. He probably was molested too. 
Children that young can not even think of sexual things unless they are exposed somehow. When a child thinks of sex. They think of mommy and daddy kissing. It isnt until they start puberty when they have sensations. Now, this is no influence. 
I learned that from the children’s advocacy center because my child was molested. 
So either he was acting out what was done to him, playing house, or copying something he seen, if it ended as soon as it started, that is a very young age to be wanting to accuse him of molestation. 
I think they all could benefit from some professional help to sort through this stuff. My personal opinion I wouldn’t be mad at someone who was a child. Some kids are curious. I remember being around 7 and my boy cousin and I showing each other our privates. Nothing happened but our parents always said you can’t be a girl you can be a boy and we didnt understand. So we figured it out on our own.

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I agree it's up to the individual. Both my older brothers molested me when I was younger. One for years. They haven't done that to anyone else and grew up to he normal adults, but I could never forgive them

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Therapy is a def need. But it is up to the victim. My uncle molested my mother when they were young. They grew up in a home where all the kids were extremely abused by their stepfather and even ended up in foster care because of it. As adults, my mom and her brother are very good friends. He is a weird guy, mostly because drug use has damaged his brain, but he is in no way a child molester. He loves his children very much and would never, ever hurt a child. He completely understands that what happened during his childhood was wrong and he would never do anything like that even to another grown person ever again. I can honestly say that he is a good person.

Please read all before answering. Can someone who has molested someone else be redeemed?

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