Hi. Im 35, my SO and I started TTC las year. I have a MC in January, a CP in July and another MC in September. We both got tested for all kinds of things. Meanwhile, we’ve been in our relationship for 11 years, 5 of those living together, and now we were having problems. In my opinion all this TTC and losing the pregnancy was making things worse. In my SO’s it was other things that had being happening for years and that we never fixed. We started going to therapy to see if we could work things out. Then I found out I was pregnant again. I got my test results at the same time. Turns out I have a trombophilia (blood clotting disorder) and a chromosome translocation. Both things cause MCs and the chromosome issue, if the pregnancy continues, can cause a serious condition on the embryo. So I was devastated and trying to fix the relationship at the same time. I have to get a genetic test at 10 weeks to find or rule out any problems. I decided to continue the pregnancy and if at 10 weeks the tests results finds a severe condition related to my chromosomes, I will terminate the pregnancy. The problem is I cant do that in my country as it is illegal to have an abortion, I will have to do it elsewhere. If there aren’t any issues I will continue. That’s my decision. My boyfriend tells me he doesn’t want to be a dad one way or the other, he just doesn’t want to be a dad now. So yesterday we talk and he tells me he doesn’t feel like he is into the relationship anymore ( I could feel it but I was still hoping we could do something) and that he was leaving to his mother’s to give me time to find a place of my own (this is his apartment so I’m the one who has to leave).

So, since yesterday I’m alone, putting my stuff in boxes because even if he gives me time I don’t want to be here for too long, I have to find my own place or got to my mother’s for a while. I have the full support of my family but I’m sad. It’s 11 years and now there is nothing. It’s almost Christmas and I have to tell people. Im 6w5d and Im expecting this pregnancy to end at any moment because that’s what’s happened before. Today I feel more calm, but I just wish I could be in bed all day and not go to work tomorrow. I don’t even want to think about what I could have done to save the relationship, I don’t want to torture myself. Im overwhelmed.

I don’t know if this would be any easier if I wasn’t pregnant, but I am. And like I said before, because I haven’t even had many symptoms I just feel this is going to end and I will have to go through that by myself.

I guess I just need some words of support from women who have been in a situation like this because right now I feel hopeless if the future in so many ways (I won’t find another good man, I won’t be able to naturally have a healthy baby, I’m old, etc).

Thank you for reading.