I need advice and/or to vent. Heads up this is an abusive relationship story and long so thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. I’m 21 years old and been in some rough relationships, had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship. So I start dating this man (24 years old) that seemed to have a rough history like me. He’d been cheated on in every relationship, abusive relationships, and had a daughter (4yrs) and a son (1 yr). Both had different mothers, one from his ex-wife. He had said his parents had his daughter until he had moved to a stable house, but he and his parents had custody, and the mother of his son had him and she wouldn’t let him see him. He had said he’d seen so much in Afghanistan he said giving him anxiety and depression (Army national guard). Okay so this man is down on his luck, let me support him best I can, right?

So about a month after we start dating he proposes. Okayy seems odd but I’ll go on a whim and say yes. Now this ring, was a cheap Walmart ring also. Maybe he needs to save money? We were displaced because the mobile home I had and let him move into, was severely damaged from hurricane Florence. Over time I notice small little white lies simple as taking a cookie from the cookie jar. He showed a lot of identical behaviors of my father who is diagnosed bipolar, manic depression, and VERY narcissistic. I find out his son’s mother BEGS him to see his son and support his son. His daughter? His parents have raised her since she was born.

Then I find out he was never deployed to Afghanistan... He even tried to replace it with another lie saying he did see what he claimed to have seen but he saw it when he was sent to Africa the day he graduated basic training, but he said his mom didn’t know he was in Africa so “don’t ask her!”. Uhm my whole family is military affiliated, they won’t deploy you to Africa during basic AND his mom said he wasn’t in Africa when he finished basic, they were (including his mom and dad) in fort Benning.

Now that’s a lie too big for me to swallow along with the disrespect to people who have served. Not to mention his extreme jealousy to the point he has accused EVERY girlfriend of sleeping with his father who is in his 60’s and very ill. He also wasn’t cheated on by EVERY ex, he wanted the attention and someone to feel sorry for him. Then I find out I’m pregnant. At any doctors appointment he tells the doctors “I’ve already been here cause I have two children” “I’ve gotten this testing done cause I’ve done this before”.

Way to ruin my first time excitement. Even the doctors got annoyed. All of his behavior is progressing worse no matter how much I would tell him this hurt. I tried to leave before but he would physically stop me from leaving and talk to me and I’d break down and stay. He is not financially stable, no house, he’s paying off AND back paying his car for being behind, lost his job for a week, and doesn’t even spend time with his children. He even implied me taking a second job so he could replace his new job (he said this his second day) because it’s a labor job and he “works too much in a day”. All while I’m pregnant and morning sickness has been real. Honestly, he’s a bum.

We applied for an apartment prior to me finding out all of this and moved in but he went and signed the lease alone (thank goodness I wasn’t on the lease). At this point I was just holding onto hope he would straighten up for our child. I provided all of the furniture including washer and dryer. Two weeks later I’ve had enough. I’m 11w4d pregnant, and he could tell I wanted out. Begged me for hours to stay, cornering me, shutting my fingers in my dresser when I was trying to get my clothes to pack, blocking doors, getting as physical as possible without punching. When he realized I wasn’t staying he asked for the apartment key back. The second I put the key in his hand, he said get out now or you’re trespassing.

Granted this is 11 at night in an unsafe town. I had to call the cops so I could get a few of my items (he wouldn’t let me get just clothes even), my car was 30 minutes away in a shop so I called a taxi. There I sat at Walmart at midnight with my cat, a suitcase, crying, all while pregnant and lets top it off, he shut my phone off knowing my family had an hour and a half drive till they were in the town I was in.

That’s the last time I’ve seen him, I was going to meet him today with cops to get the rest of my clothes and baby things I’ve bought but he brought it to his moms and dropped it off. I was gracious enough to let him have everything including the kitchen items, washer dryer, furniture, basically everything I owned so he can function. There’s no way I would have left him with nothing, no matter what, he is my child’s father. I even spent everything I had left on a new mattress for him the night I left because the air mattress we were using popped. I do deeply care about him but this isn’t healthy. His mental state is definitely reason to concern, he needs to be hospitalized.

I just need advice, I’m terrified about the future and what he will try to do to himself and me and the baby, and is it even worth letting him have a part in my child’s life? How should I handle him wanting to see the child?

P.S. I am in a stable home now with my mother who is beyond supportive and will help me with anything needed

for me and the baby.