Okay let me start from the beginning. My fiance and I have been on and off for 5 years. We have been engaged for two years now. I have been through a lot. I was malested by my uncle when I was really little. And when I was 15 I was date raped. So I am a very insecure girl. My fiance and I did heroin we are now clean a year and a half. We are on Suboxone. Suboxone makes it a little difficult for a guy to get hard. So I recently got a job about 4 months ago. (mind you I consider porn to be cheating and he knows this. He knows how strongly against it I am) we we're having trouble for a little bit having sex. So when I got my job I would come home and want to have sex but he wouldn't get hard and he kept telling me it was the suboxne doing it. For 4 months I believed him it was getting worse and worse. Until I found a bunch of porn on his phone. I felt like the most worthless girl ever. As if I wasn't good enough. You were sitting there jerking off to other girls while I was at work and when I would come home I would want to have sex with and you couldn't because your mind set was you already cummed. He knows this fucked me up mentally like I can't sleep now. He is doing "everything" he can to make it better. Nahh fuck that. Because today we got into a little fight because for about 1 yes I have been saying you need counseling because on top of it he has anger issues and always yells at me and takes shit out on me and sometimes once and a blue moon puts hands on me when he blacks out. So today I was like we need to go to thearpy and talk about what happened. And he started getting mad at me saying that he was uncomfortable with it. Are you fucking kidding me !!!?!?! THAT IS THE MOST SELFISH FUCKING THING I HAVE HEARD. I have been nothing but faithful and honest and loyal to him and all he has ever done was hurt me over and over and over again I have give him so many fucking chances and just because your UNCOMFTERABLE THAT MEANS I HAVE TO SUFFER. So I told him it's either we work on this or let you being "uncomfortable" ruin this. Number one your not "uncomfortable" your embarrassed. I am so pissed off at the fact that he thought his feelings mattered in this. Out of all the times he has hurt me I am done giving a shit about his feelings until I see some improvement.