My Battle started with My Mini me making her Arrival 3 weeks early. 7am I had just finished my 12 hour graveyard shift at the hospital only to have my water break walking to my car. First time prego and It was so slight that I didnt believe it until seeing my doctor at 11am and her saying it was definitely ambiotic fluid and I was 3cm.

No warnings, No contractions, but an aching back that whole week. Went home, showered and checked us in at 1pm.

I had chosen to go natural due to a family history of bad reactions to the epidural by my mom and sister. And even after they started pitocin when I plateaued at 7cm, I was handling the contractions that were off the charts.

My limit came when the contractions were a breath apart from each other. I told my SO no more. He called for the nurse and she said if I could sit up then they would give me the epidural. So I did, and this must have been what my little impatient one needed as everything came gushing out and the pain changed into an urge to push.

My doc came in to check me as they laid me back down. She said "Oh!" And they started rolling everything in.

12mins and 4 pushes later Avalyn came into the world weighing in at 5lbs 14oz 18inches long.

The next 6weeks were a blur. My milk supply came in but my Mini Me would take an hour or more to finish feeding. So we switched to bottle fed from the milk I pumped. So I could sleep and my SO could bond with her too.

I went from pumping 30+ oz a day to 20oz with in a week of starting back to work. And over the next few months it continued to dwindle to barely 12oz a day.

Between Spending an average of 6hours a day trying to increase my supply and taking care of my newborn meant very little sleep. This caused anxiety and depression to rise along with my weight. I had been blessed to only have an extra 10lbs after I gave birth to her, but I gained 40lbs in the 4months after.

It took a week of tears coming to the acceptance that I wasnt failing her. And when I began the processes of stopping myself from producing milk it took 4 days. Telling me that my body had been done long before my mind was.

I am now at peace with my choice, and my crazy haired monkey is doing just fine.