My daughter was born 11/12/18 at 3:48am. My dad drove me to the hospital 11/11 at around 6:30pm and my baby’s dad Evan met me there. I had woken up with contractions that morning at around 3am and timed them, but they didn’t last 2 hours. So I went about my day and the contractions came back at about 2pm. I had been loosing my mucus plug all day. My dad wasn’t sure they’d admit me and neither was I because I wasn’t sure what amount of pain I should be able to take. I was 3cm dilated and they did admit me because the baby’s heart rate kept dropping. They didn’t seem worried so I didn’t think much of it, but Evan later said he couldn’t stop watching her heart on the monitor. My contractions were getting worse and worse, they had issues getting me hooked up to the IV, then my water broke. They finally gave me some fetanyol for pain around 10:30 and it lasted about 30 mins. The anesthesiologist got there about an hour later and I got my epidural. Getting the catheter and epidural were not bad at all; I had been dreading both. The nurse told Evan and I to get some rest and gave me a peanut ball to sleep with between my legs to dilate me more, and she kept coming in every so often to flip me over when the baby’s heart rate dropped. At around 3:35 she realized I was dilated to 10 and it was time to push! A few doctors or nurses from NICU were in the room because of her heart rate, but I still wasn’t worried. I pushed through 6 contractions. When her head was out, the doctor said the cord was around her neck but he quickly unwrapped it and had me push again. Evan told me afterwards that her heart stopped on the monitor for a second before they unwrapped her cord. The cord was why her heart rate kept dropping. Logan Lea was born at 3:48am and she and I did skin to skin. I delivered the placenta and awhile later Evan cut the cord. She was 7lbs even and 19.5inches long. We got to the recovery room around 9am and were able to relax. I am not able to breastfeed due to meds I was on. Logan got too cold and wasn’t able to warm up by skin to skin so she was taken to the nursery to warm up for about an hour under a light. We stayed in the hospital for two more nights and then were discharged and sent home. We had a well-baby check 2 days later with the pediatrician and she saw that Logan looked like she had jaundice (I had noticed too) and sent us to get labs done. Her bilirubin was at a 17, and the pediatrician told us to go to the ER the next day. We went that night because she wouldn’t hold down any food, and she and I were readmitted to pediatrics at 4 days old, literally in the middle of the night. Her bilirubin was tested again and it had fallen so we got to go home the next day because it meant it probably wouldn’t rise again. This whole time I had been getting zero sleep due to the hormones and stress and having a new baby who hadn’t been doing well. That night I had a mental breakdown of an anxiety attack, and Evan had to call 911 because I had been struggling with depression while pregnant and immediately after giving birth and my OBGYN had said to call 911 if I had a really bad episode. This was horrible. Paramedics came to get me and took me to a hospital overnight as much as I begged to stay with my baby. I then was admitted to a crisis center overnight to develop a “safety plan”, and I was diagnosed with severe postpartum depression. I am working with my therapist and a psychiatrist and I’m on meds again that seem to be helping. My baby is now about a month and one week and I’m still struggling. She is everything I ever hoped for and more, and she has my heart and her dads. But please don’t ignore postpartum depression, ladies! It’s a real thing. Now here’s (way too many) pictures of my sweet baby Logan Lea from birth until now.