My pregnancy wasn’t terrible. I found out at 9 weeks I was pregnant with twins. Never had morning sickness, just started swelling at 12 weeks but never had high blood pressure. 13 weeks I found out I was having identical boys! 💙💙. 18 weeks still extremely swollen, was getting hard to to hard because it hurt so bad so they had me limit the amount I worked/stood on my feet. 20 weeks one of my boys had IUGR. I had weekly scans since week 16 so every week they checked fluid levels, growth and my cervix. Other than one twin showing signs of IUGR that was my only complication, still wasn’t bad enough for be seen more than once a week. My last check up was on a Tuesday I was 23 weeks, everything looked fine, no concerns. Friday marked my 24 weeks, woke up feeling fine. I got to work and started having back pains, I put on my belly band to see if it would help, it didn’t. Throughout my 4 hour shift I started having period like cramps. I’ve never been pregnant before so I thought it was normal 🤷🏼‍♀️. I talked to my boss and she said to call my doctor just to make sure, so I did. They told me it sounded all like round ligament pain and as long as I could still feel both babies move I would be ok. If they stopped moving then I needed to come in. I left work and went home to put a heating pad on my back because it still hurt so bad. I noticed the pain coming intense for a few minutes every hour, still thought nothing about it. I am 24 weeks and shouldn’t be going into labor, so labor was honestly something I really didn’t think about until I noticed my pain was coming every 10 mins. I told my husband to call the doctors off and talk to the nurse. No one called us back 🙄. By this time I am in the bathroom sick. I go back to bed and I felt a pop, I said out loud oh god! My husband said what?!? I said we need to get to the hospital now. My water is about to break, he is trying to not freak out and stay calm for my sake and just keeps saying no it’s too early. I get out of bed and the second I stand it’s like the flood gates open! Water will not stop gushing out of me. Since we live 10 mins from the hospital my husband decides he would drive instead of trying to wait on an ambulance. When we arrive to the hospital they start checking me and confirmed one of my sacs have broken and they can feel the other bulging. They tell me not to push, they’re trying to get the heart monitors on my so they can find both heart beats. I see her struggling to find both so I question her about it. Finally she finds it, in that moment I just start apologizing lol! I said I can’t help it I have to push! That’s when my second sac broke. They check me again and confirm my water has broke and now they feel a foot. Everyone stops what they’re doing and I am rolled back for an emergent c-section. Since they had to knock me out my poor husband wasn’t allowed back! I can’t even imagine what he went through! For me it was so surreal. I work in surgery and I see stuff like this everyday, but to be the patient I couldn’t believe it.

My beautiful baby boys were born at 11:16 & 11:17pm Oct 19, 2018. Zachary weighed 1lb 7oz and Austin weighed exactly 1lb. They were taken straight to the NICU where they tried to save their lives! They were so bruised, so red but yet so see through. I’ve never seen anything like it. Zachary barely made it through the night, he fought so hard. He passed the next day due to prematurity and a grade 4 brain bleed. Austin fought, he fought hard. Unfortunately he got dealt a terrible hand as well. He lived for 8 short weeks. He got diagnosed with a terminal brain disease called lissencephaly when he was 6 weeks old. His body got tired of fighting and decided it was time to be back with his brother.

I am so grateful I got to meet both of my boys. I got to hold both of them, love on them and give them kisses. They knew how much their daddy and I loved them. Some people never get that opportunity but I am so glad I did. My NICU staff was absolutely amazing, I cannot say enough about the people who work in those units!

No one ever expects their first pregnancy to ever end up like this. I never expected to not have both of my babies. I had their room complete, everything they needed. I just needed them. Unfortunately they never got to make it home. I will cherish every second I got with them from the time I found out I was pregnant up until their last breaths. I was with both of my boys when they passed and I thank god they didn’t have to go alone. 💙