Dear “Chewie”

For a couple months you tried to get my attention and it finally worked...I finally caught the signs and we hit it off so naturally. You became the most important person to me in only 4 short months. We clicked, we were so natural, we overcame so much, we caught feelings...and that changed you. You got scared, deeply scared, your past relationship came back to haunt you and steal the magic we had going. You pushed me away not once but twice, and hurt me badly in doing so yet I was still there. You said fear wouldn’t let you lose this amazing relationship, but it did, you caved, you gave up on not only me but yourself. You pushed me away one last time by saying “you and I are too different” yet my differences were what caught your heart in the beginning and I know you didn’t mean it because you instantly took it back and cried, you were purposely trying to be cold and mean to push me away even though deep down you know it’s not what you wanted but you are too scared to accept the good happening to you. The last words you told me were “you’re too good to me, you’re too good to be true, don’t you see that it’s not you, it’s me, I don’t want to fuck up your life more than I already have, I had no right to enter your life.” You cried so hard while talked this through, you clung onto my jacket with fierce grips and stomped your feet in anxiety and tears, you kissed my hands, rubbed my leg, you were hurting to let me go but purposely pushing me away because you are afraid of the strong feelings, you haven’t moved on from the past, you haven’t forgiven yourself, you don’t know what you want, you are scared, you cannot see us. I held you that entire time even with my own broken heart, I kissed your head and rubbed your back as I slowly started to accept that I cant make or force you to appreciate what I do to show you how much you mean to me and what I feel for you. I cannot heal you, you have to heal from the past in order to treasure your present. I gave you my all, I did everything right, yet I’m still left empty handed. I feel like Jessie in Toy Story 2 where she’s left in the box and -[when somebody loved me] plays. Again, I cannot heal you, that is a journey you must take and make your own, you cane into my life knowing you weren’t fully healed and our feelings happened without warning and you froze to that and I want you to know there’s no hard feelings even though everything did break my heart. I hope you heal, I hope one day you are able to accept that someone cares so deeply about you and that you accept it. Maybe we just met at the wrong time? But for now I have to move on with my life because I gave you my all and I took blow after blow but that changed nothing because again, I cannot heal you, you must heal you and forgive yourself to see through the walls you have up. Remember what I always told you, everything I did, I did for you, not so you could like me but do that you could see how much I liked you and so that I could see your smile and happiness.

-Your “Darks Vader”