Before I got pregnant, I was struggling with severe bulimia and binge eating disorder. I’d throw up anything I ate. I weighed 220lbs when I was 22, when I was 24, I weighed around 95.

At 26, I was around 103. The binging and purging was at the point I was doing it 10x or more a day.

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Tried for several years. I figured I just couldn’t have kids. One night after purging, I was laying in the bathroom floor and I was just done with life. I prayed and I begged god to either let this disorder take me or bless me with a child.

The next day the test was positive. The only symptom I had before testing was dozing off while scrolling through Pinterest, which I’ve never done, but I assumed my body was trying to shut down.

I quit throwing up and switched to eating organic foods. And had a healthy baby boy. He’s such a cutie too. And sweet as can be. I love him more than anything.

Long story short, I’ve gained 65 pounds, and it’s not coming off and I’m ashamed but I’ve been so badly wanting to binge and I’ve had a horrible day, this is the first Christmas without my dog I had since I was 12. I lost her to cancer last month and I cry several times a day and I’m not as happy as I was. She was the reason I wanted to become a mom in the first place. I’ve been so stressed about Christmas. My back is killing me. Had been for about a week now.

I just don’t know how to cope with all this