okay so my sadness began in november of 2017, i also then started the pill. my sadness progressed until christmas, christmas is very lonely and sad for me due to past circumstances. i have a habit of falling apart during winter months, i started having panic attacks, i was away from my boyfriend for about a week also which caused me to be very lonely. after the two week break we began school again, every morning i’d cry because i was afraid of going back to my high school. then throughout the months i got better, but this year i have gone completely down hill. in september i had self harmed, and i have continued to. i ended up telling my mom about my sadness but not about the cutting, she doesn’t care tbh she thinks it’s just a “rough time”. i’m also starting to have scary dreams about my ex and past bullies, my grandfather has just passed away recently, and he was my best fucking friend. i have lots and lots of death guilt. when i get angry or upset i turn into a different person and i feel as if i’m completely hopeless, i often have thoughts of suicide also... i don’t wanna be hospitalized for the third time in my life but my family doesn’t know what to do with me anymore. a few weeks ago i got upset and yelled at my mom why the fuck didn’t you get an abortion, she told me i was creating unwanted drama. i feel as if i am sick, and i need help soon or im going to end up hospitalized. can anyone give any tips or advice? i’m 15& having a hard time.