I wish i had the courage

I wish I had the courage to just get up and leave. I've been in this mentally abused relationship for 6 years Everytime I leave he makes me fall right back into his trap. I have no family to call or no friends to reach out to. I was adopted so my family doesn't care about me and never have. It's so hard! I hate when people tell me just leave him just go it's not that simple. We have two kids together. He didn't want me working because he told me he wanted me to be a stay at home mom and make all the income he wanted to do that. But when he got on his feet and got a car and we argue he gets up and leave. I'll put an alarm on the door and I'll be done and he'll come back. Or he'll just call me names and break me down so bad I'll go to sleep crying and he'll try to take my clothes off to have sex. It's hard when you have nobody there for you when you want to get on your own feet I'm my husband's doormat that he walks all over and I can't escape and wish I can.