I wish I could go back... wish I would’ve left before I got pregnant. Wish I would’ve been smarter to not believe his bullshit lies about not being able to conceive. Sometimes I wish this baby was the baby I lost with the person that I indeed loved. I wish that I could go back and not be so irrational with my first true love, give him the space that he needed and everything would’ve been fine. Now I have to deal with this stupid idiot for the rest of my life or for the next 18 years of my child’s life and he’s already made my life hell since day 1 of being pregnant. I can’t fucking stand him and I secretly wish he would just drop dead. Yes I am a horrible person for wishing that but he’s the most manipulative most pathological liar I’ve ever met in my entire life. He literally believes his own fucking lies. I wish I would’ve kept this pregnancy a secret, should’ve played it smarter. I can only hope he leaves me the fuck alone and leaves my family out of this, he’s always trying to bring everyone else into this shit show. I hate him so much, mostly resent him hate that he can’t just leave me alone to live my life and only do what he said like take care of our child. No he always has to involve me, involve my life, my past, my ex, my 5 year old ... talking shit about a 5 year old yup. Asshole. It always has to be his way or no way, always plays the damn victim because he can do no wrong. Now he’s threatening to take my child away ( who’s not even born yet!) and throws shit I’ve done in the past in my face and says he’ll use it against me. He’s not even legal here he’s had trouble with the law in the past or so he says he’s been in prison, he’s abusive, controlling, been into hardcore drugs, an alcoholic and a chronic chain smoker. I just need a damn miracle, maybe the cops will stop him and send him back to where he belongs.

Eta: lol yes sorry it’s sooo long it should probably be in a different group but I needed to get it out, I’m afraid of falling into depression again and this idiot definitely doesn’t help, makes fun of me for sharing with him that I did have depression in the past, says I’m crazy and sick in the head but he’s the one that chased me around with a knife yelling that he was going to kill me and himself. I did leave him I had to or he was going to hurt me or himself but I was more afraid of me hurting him. He threatens me and makes my life hell even though I have him blocked everywhere! I have kept many messages and pictures of when he hit me. I try not to let his threats get to me because if he can only provide $300 in the past 7 months how can he afford a damn lawyer but if he’s going to play dirty I’m all in, I’ll make damn sure he’ll never get to see my child.