Currently 22 weeks pregnant. Been in hospital bedrest since 18 weeks because of incompetent cervix. Got a cerclage in but still have funnelling and now down to the stitch. My relationship is perfect (or so i thought). My hubby comes to the hospital everyday cause he got no job now, to take care of me, bathe, feed, even help pass urine in bed. His only breaks are going for a smoke and probably hanging out at the malls which there are a few around the hospital. He comes to the hospital around 1pm and leaves 8pm daily.

Just before christmas, I had an odd feeling in my heart. Even woke me up in the middle of the night. It was the thought of him bringing another woman in our house for you know what. I deny the feeling but I became very sensitive. So I start to observe more closely. There was one time I borrowed his phone. Even before giving it to me, he had to close some apps he was using. His phone always (since before) got no browsing history or whatever. So really didnt tick me off. What did is when everytime he goes to smoke is he carry a bottle of perfume. Even sprays before going down. The usual 30 mins smoking break became 2 or even 3 hours then he would say because he went to the mall to shop (and he comes back with items). Sometimes he also videocalls me while he’s strolling around so I would feel like Im with him.

We also do videocalls at night. So he shows me the house and stuff. But there was one night where he say he’s really tired and wanted to go to sleep. That was 11pm. But the next day, he tells me he slept at 1am. I didnt ask already what he did. And today, he say he’s very sick (also went to the doc) so he didnt come to visit me. My emotions must be showing so he hasnt been calling me today and is mad that I’m treating him like this after all his sacrifices.

I know I am being unfair to him cause he is literally doing everything now. From laundry, cooking for me, commuting to hospital (which is an hour from our house one way) everyday. But I also dont understand why I have these thoughts. I told him 2 days ago and he calmly clarified every single thing that I observed. I was convinced that time but the troubling feeling is haunting me again. I dont want to pass the stress to my baby as well given that i am now in an extremely high risk condition.

The other day we watched Taylor’s swifts concert in Netflix and Im shocked he knows all the songs. He’a not a millenial so this is also something new to me. But he said, he was listening to her since way back and I just didnt know.

Can anyone give some advice? I have no one to talk to and feel so depressed...