Difficult situation

So I have been talking with this boy for over a year now. We love each other very much and we are best friends. We’ve been on and off dating throughout the year because of our situation. We are long distance, and my parents are not accepting of our relationship because we are of different cultures (which I think shouldn’t matter but parents don’t agree) , so the only way we are together is by hiding which I hate but I have no other choice in most cases.

My parents are also just generally strict on where I can go and with whom and it’s very hard for me to leave my house without telling them every detail.

Through this I’ve reached out to friends to help me see my boyfriend (for example: I would get them to come with me to the location I would see him so that it looks like I’m with my friend in my parents eyes, and then my friend will leave)

I always feel so guilty about it because I hate the fact that I have to use my friends to see my boyfriend and also hide and lie to my parents.

I am just constantly feeling drained, anxious, guilty and depressed sometimes to the point where I cry myself to sleep.

But when I’m talking to him, he makes me so happy and I really couldn’t imagine my life without him.

It’s hard because I don’t have anyone to Relate to because all of my friends can go anywhere they want with whoever, and be with whoever they wish. No one understands me and I feel so alone at times.