Hey everyone,

New to this app, had the Glow <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">fertility tracker</a> app,

To give everyone a quick back story...

I have a beautiful 12 year old daughter to a previous partner, and my wonderful husband and I have been trying to conceive our own child for years...

We successfully fell in Oct 15, but sadly miscarried before I even got to my 1st midwife app,

Done the usual went to the Early Pregnancy Unit at my local hospital, got the scan to confirm the loss, repeated blood tests to monitor my hcg the devastation of losing a precious child we longed for for years, which was difficult when we know people who only have to sneeze and they fall pregnant, it's hard to congratulate through gritted teeth...

Then 2016 we fell again, which, again, the bleeding came, was assured it could be normal implantation bleeding, early scan didn't show anything, so yet again more blood tests were done,

And THEN in 2017, the year of our wedding - we fell again, but that experience was way more Scarier - I called to arrange an early scan but started bleeding few days before my appointment - went in, to be told they could see a "fetal pole measuring 7wks 4days, but no Heartbeat"... Again we went into the little room, chatted with the midwife, ran through my options which were -

* go home wait two weeks, see if my body naturally expels the pregnancy,

*come in to get medication to speed up the process, (basically the abortion pill)

*go in for medical intervention (d&c)

Not wanting to be in hospital for any length of time, I chose option one, thinking that although I would never know when it would happen, while I'm at work, home, or in town... That my body would not let me down...

WRONG

after approx 12 days of discomfort, bleeding, pain, constipation, rectal pressure, feeling dizzy and having to be sent home from work by my boss, I lifted the phone "I want to book myself in for a d&c I've had ENOUGH!!"

so I go in for my scheduled appointment, get bloods drawn, and scan to make sure they weren't making a mistake... They sure DID make a mistake because all the things I was feeling - was actually a RUPTURED ECTOPIC!!

So the d&c was scrapped, and next thing I was sitting infront of a surgeon, discussing that he would HAVE to take me straight to surgery as I had lost way too much blood for any other medication, saying that the procedure would only take him 45 mins, I had to agree and sign the consent form, I was put on the trolley and I cried ALL the way down to the theatre, I woke up 3 hrs later and my surgeon (who is the BEST in our region) told me that either I have a really high pain threshold or my body just adapts to things, because I was on his table 2.5 hours, had a clot size of a tennis ball in my pelvis, my ruptured tube stuck to it and just pissing blood at it... Literally hours away from death... That guy is a god and I owe him everything for saving my life, allowing my daughter to continue having her mum in her life, and just 5weeks after my surgery I walked down the aisle towards my husband,

We both agreed to go back on contraception, (I went on the pill), to give my body & brain a break, plus my husband says that although he is desperate to be a dad - I mean more to him so if we wanted to just give up he would be totally fine with that.

I went for my 6 weeks post op check up with the consultant and he said thst taking the break was a good idea, however if we did decide to try again, thst I could call the hospital as soon as I got a positive test and I could get a scan as early as 5 weeks, I know they wouldn't see much, but it's to determine the location of the pregnancy, because I only have one tube left.

So after bout 6 months, we spoke bout trying again, I really still had that Urge to have a baby with him, took a lot of convincing, but I knew that since we are in our mid-30's if we left it too late we would regret not trying again, and that I was assured I would be looked after this time... I was fuming mad with the first midwife who misdiagnosed the ectopic as a missed miscarriage... A mistake that could have cost my life!!

Fast forward to now, my period didn't come last week when it was meant to, I bought a pack of tests on Friday (4th Jan) and boom... Positive!! So I called the hospital and booked myself in for today... Went over obviously shitting myself due to our previous history, I thought at least if it is another ectopic, I'd catch it early enough to sort it,

When I downloaded the Glow <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.nurture">Nurture</a> app and entered the first day of my LMP (30th November) it said I was 5 weeks, however I obviously conceived mid December making me 3weeks, I was scanned trans vaginally and she said she could see a black gestational sack in my uterus, which is exactly what she wants to see, however she won't be satisfied till she sees a little one in there, the midwifes studyed my scan and they cannot see the yolk sack yet, so they think I'm actually earlier and I've to go next Thursday (17th) for a repeat scan to see if the yolk sack has formed, I feel "different" about this pregnancy for some reason... Like this is finally our year, our luck and karma is on our side, and I don't have any pain, any bleeding nothing, I have tender breasts especially in the morning when I drag myself out of bed, my increased saliva (my mouth feels like a fish tank), and apart from feeling tired I want to eat ALL THE TIME so I'm displaying all the normal symptoms of pregnancy, and at night when I lie in bed I can feel like little "tugging and pulling" sensations in my uterus which I read is everything stretching... So does anyone else agree this is looking good??

Before anyone says "you should know the symptoms you've already got a daughter" let me just say she wasn't planned, and I didn't find out I was expecting her till I was 3 months gone, therefore I never took any notice of any Early signs, I was on the pill and fell with her because I took antibiotics which I was unaware blocked the pill... So because I wasn't actively trying with her, I didn't know about early symptoms.

But yeah if you've made it this far in my novel, then thank you for your patience, I know I can ramble on, but I like to ensure all the facts are presented, and I would appreciate anyone's thoughts or views on this, should I be happy? I find it hard to be optimistic right now given my track record...

Aimee the desperate mummy...

"c'mon little sticky bean... Stay OK for me, I promise you'll be so loved and fussed over, you have a family who are gonna be obsessed with you!!"