I don’t know how to keep naming babies I will never hold. I don’t know how to talk to people in my life about it but figured maybe it would help to post here. Maybe find some people who understand.

I miscarried for the first time in July 2017. It was incredibly traumatic for me. I had just started my second trimester. I decided I needed to heal mentally and emotional so I put off trying.

Then at the end of December of 2018 I got a positive pregnancy test. Followed by some spotting so I retreated and got a faint positive. I continued retesting for a week getting all negatives after that point. I went to see my doctor two days ago and he ordered another urine test and ultra sound. I had the ultrasound yesterday and it confirmed that I had miscarried again. This time earlier on. Around 7 weeks.

I am devastated. I don’t know how to cope with the lose and I despite it being an early miscarriage, I am in a lot of pain. I just don’t know how to do this, to keep hoping. Seeing everyone else announcing pregnancies and seeing their babies.

Most of all I’m so tired of naming babies I’ll never hold. It’s killing me. I’m not sure how to cope or move on. I’m just so exhausted physically and emotional. I know it’s only been twice but I want it so bad. I have PCOS and it feels like I will never conceive and carry a baby to term, never hold my baby.